Persistent Premonition
by Ami Arashi
Summary: Twelve years have passed since Ultimecia's fall. Who's left to continue on their paths through life? Who's left to take the hit of reality?
1. Part I Annual Visitation

I had awakened that morning to the rising of the bright shining sun, breathing in the fresh air from the open window on the right of my bed. I could smell the scent of a new day arriving to greet me. It smelled wonderful.

I glanced at the alarm clock on my nightstand. I had awakened at least an hour before my clock would go off. Five forty-six in the morning, a little too early for my liking, but I knew I wasn't going to get back to sleep. It was a little early, but I decided to awaken the rest of the household before they all got too crabby and unpleasant.

I pulled aside the white sheets to my bed and swung my legs over the side. I rubbed my eyes and I felt the stubble of annoying hair growing on my face. I slipped my feet into my black loafers and slowly climbed off of the bed. This new and magical day was waiting to come and give me its surprises and horrors. I hoped for absolutely nothing to go wrong. Perhaps fate would be on my side for once, and grant me the wish I craved to come true.

My eyes came across to my dresser. I sighted my necklace and clasped it around my neck. The cold silver slid down to the middle of my chest, intoxicating me with a slow yet rather pleasant shiver. My eyes circled down to the small wooden box on the dresser and I opened it to find my eyebrow ring. I slid it into my skin and it poked out of the other hole in my skin. I took the chain and wrapped it around the ring gently. As I was confound to pry around with my annoying habit of sliding my fingernail under the gold, my eyes trailed to a soft picture frame that sat peacefully on the dresser.

I smiled. It was the only memory I had of my sweet past. In the picture, was our large group of friendship.

There was Selphie on the far left. She spent two more years within Balamb Garden after the defeat of Ultimecia, then she transferred back to Trabia. I waited a year to hear word from her, and when I finally did, it was a death notice, telling me Selphie had been murdered several nights before and her killer was behind bars, facing life.

Next to her as usual, was Irvine Kinneas. He trained hard to become an official SeeD after Ultimecia's defeat, and within a year he was certified. He spent most of his time before Selphie's death, away on missions. After Selphie had died, he left Balamb. He moved to Trabia Garden where he could spend the rest of his life at Selphie's grave, but I knew it wouldn't be that way. He was married three months later, and he's now got a four-year-old son named Lawrence. Who, by the way, almost blew my brains out with a rifle while Irvine was teaching him the ways of a man. Could have fooled me, I thought he was teaching him not to make the same mistakes as his lady oriented father.

Quistis was next to Irvine in the picture, Hyne knows how she put up with standing next to him. However, the smile on her face proved to be truthful and her arm around his shoulder mocked it. Quistis stayed entirely associated with Garden, devoting her life thus far to the elite military force. She reunited with her teaching passion and asked if she could have her old job back. She met and fell in love with a man from Deling City named Dieto Frost four years back and they married. They adopted Seifer's young twin daughters, Kavetina and Fatality, after he was killed along with his fiancée, a woman named Elianta Kaori. Quistis was unable to conceive any children.

Zell was on the far right, half stuffed with a chewed up hot dog. He remained with Garden, still making himself useful on missions and proving himself to be a worthy ally. Zell found love but he never experienced what it was like. He had a wonderful relationship with Elianta, Seifer's fiancée. They were together for three years before Elianta's stepfather broke them up, whom she later murdered, and forced her to marry a gentleman. Zell became somewhat of a hermit one could say, and he asked for a leave from Garden just recently, and he hasn't been back since, nor has anyone heard of him, thus spreading rumors that he died or he decided not to come back.

And then, there was Rinoa. My sweet Rinoa...

I closed my eyes and tried to hide my tears.

After Ultimecia's defeat, we rapidly started to come closer. She and I were unbreakable those few weeks, we spent every waking moment with each other, holding hands, feeding each other, sharing warm embraces and kisses...

I could remember all of the days we spent in bed together. We would sit there in bed all day naked, talking about our problems, talking about marriage, talking about anything in general. I remembered we spoke a lot about starting a family, but since with my job, I couldn't get married at the time, so we promised each other engagement and began from there.

But oh...

We had spent such little time together, me and her. Though the shining sun had set on her time, it began to rise onto our daughter's time. And before she could leave us, she pleaded with her eyes that I would never leave our daughter and that I would hold onto her as long as I could. That I would never let her die like she had, that I would never let her walk the same path, but as I began to protest, my sweet Rinoa's eyes had fallen back, and her last breath escaped through her mouth. I stood in complete silence, until I heard my sweet baby cry out. I hadn't really felt I had understood what Rinoa had last said to me, but as I heard my daughter cry out to mourn for her mother, I could hear the eerie shrill of a banshee in her voice. Only then did I understand.

I quickly covered my eyes as the tears came rolling down. They plopped on the dresser and began to spread. It was so painful... the thoughts of my past...

Every year on my daughter's birthday, it always happened. Always. This year wouldn't be an exception. I would dream of it yet again.

Almost eleven years ago, Rinoa Heartilly, my beautiful fiancée, announced that she was conceived with a child. I could remember it as well as the back of my head. Her eyes shined with happiness and hope, her beautiful sparkling brown eyes begged for me to give love to this child that we had created together and give it the most wonderful life we could offer. She grasped my hands and knelt down to cry in joy. I knelt and embraced her, wrapping my long arms around her slim body and rubbing her back. I couldn't help it but to let a tear fall as well. I seemed to believe that that was the most marvelous day of my life. What couldn't be better than to see my future wife give birth to our child, whom we promised to give up everything for, and give it our unconditional love?

I remembered it was October 2nd, ten years ago. Rinoa went into labor around one o'clock in the afternoon, while we were sitting down watching her favorite movie. My heart nearly jumped into the middle of my throat. This was it. Our son or daughter was on the way. Our child, whom we had prayed and tried so hard to have was finally arriving.

The first thing she said was, "Squall, my water just broke."

I looked down, and sure enough, the liquid had soaked her long skirt and the couch on which we sat. I immediately looked into her eyes and said that I loved her, that I loved her beyond imagining. I kissed her cheek and stroked her hair.

She slowly got up from the couch and turned off the television. "Pray to Hyne that our child will be strong and healthy."

And I replied with soft compassion on my lips, "Pray to Hyne for all of us to safely return home."

She smiled sweetly with her white teeth and came to embrace my warm body. I gathered up all that I had inside of me, and smiled as best as I knew how. We clasped together like a gold locket on a chain. I wished I could have remained there like that for an eternity, but our son or daughter was being impatient. Rinoa breathed in as she felt her insides clench together tightly.

I grabbed her suitcase on the floor by the kitchen table and grabbed her shoes. She waddled on over to me, Hyne knows what she would have done if I told her she looked like a cow, and took her shoes to put them on.

Soon, we were both ready and we gathered her belongings for the hospital's stay. We gazed into each other's eyes and slammed the door shut behind us.

But now that I remember this, that was the best... and worst day of my life.

When we had arrived there, Rinoa was already six centimeters and her contractions were becoming stronger. Her breathing was seriously irregular and try as I might, I could do nothing to comfort her. Though we had dreamed for this ever since we fell in love, our child would not come easily. All I could do was tell her to withstand the pain as long as she soon. If she wanted drugs, so be it. We wanted a natural birth, but if it was too much, Rinoa agreed to do anything from that point on.

We went to her room and I helped her onto the bed. The nurse came in to get her dressed.

It was so slow, I thought time was repeating from moment we walked in the hospital. But, as I continued to do my part in that room, whatever that was I can't quite remember what I did, before I knew it, Rinoa was nine centimeters along and the clock had ticked down to six thirty that night. I yawned, fatigued with uncertainty.

I sat in the chair, my eyes rolling back now and then, my head slowly inching back then snapping forward realizing where I was. I repeated it again and again, until as I was sure I would fall asleep, I felt a shaking hand slip into mine.

I glanced over to see my Rinoa, though sore from pain, smiling at me. Her slender fingers curled around my hand and she squeezed. I wished I could have given her more support, but with the look she held on her face, it seemed to say I was doing all that I could. And I was.

"I love you Squall." she said, her face wincing and her lips hissing in pain.

I could only frown with concern. "Breathe." I said, rubbing her hand. "Just breathe. Relax."

She breathed in, her chest coming up quickly and falling back down. She snapped back as pain flooded throughout her body.

I calmed her, as best I could, and soon she was back into my arms, breathing a little more easily. I hushed her, rubbing the side of her face as I felt the wetness of tears. I could feel her tightness as I placed my hand on her side, feeling her uterus contracting painfully. She looked up at me and smiled, telling me how it felt better now that I was comforting her. I looked into her eyes and told her I would be there through all of this, and all of it after.

Rinoa managed a smile at the wrong time. Soon, another contraction disturbed her peace, and she lurched backward again, opening her lips and screaming. I came down to grasp her hand but she had already grabbed the rails on the bed. She spread out her legs further out to try and rid of the pain, but it came in strong overwhelming waves that it couldn't be controlled. Again, she screamed, her body bolting back and slamming into the sides of the bed.

I yelled out to the doctor who was trying to calm her. "Give her the damn drugs! She can't take it anymore!"

His saddened eyes gazed into mine and he replied, "It's too late, she's too close to giving birth. If we gave her anything, it wouldn't take effect in time."

"She's going to scream our child out before you do anything dammit!!"

I lost my temper and I came back over and held her flailing arms down as best as I could.

"Rinoa! Calm down!" I yelled at her over her screaming wails. "You need to relax and calm down, breathe!"

Through her clenched teeth, though I never figured out how, she replied with pain, "It's... not the... contractions!!"

And again she screamed, bringing her body back again with a sickeningly fast force. And just when I though matters couldn't get worse, I saw the long stream of blood come pouring out from the end of the bed. My eyes screamed in horror.

I looked at the doctor for an explanation. "What's happening?"

He gazed back. "She's pushed out the baby to a point where all she needs to do is push one more time. But I'm more concerned with the fact that she most likely has an awful tear in her cervix."

The words seemed to flow over my head like useless data. "And this means...?"

"She needs to give birth now otherwise she'll bleed to death."

I barely took note of the last word and rushed back to her side, where she was shaking in tremendous pain.

"Rinoa..." I said, rubbing her arm. "Let's just push one more time."

And as her head came back to me, I could see the ruins of her once beautiful black eyes, begging to me to end this now.

I ran my fingers through her sweaty, limp hair and watched as it shined under the bright lights of the delivery room. I watched as she gave it one more try, the pain rising into her face faster than fire traveling on gasoline. Time seemed to slow down, as I could barely hear the doctor's pleas for Rinoa to try one more time. I glanced deeply into those dark swirling pools of color in my fiancée's eyes, hoping for the best that this would all come out to be fine in the end, that somehow Hyne would grant us with one last wish or one last chance. But as the birth of our daughter drew even closer, Hyne didn't seem to give a damn what we cared, so he let fate do the rest. I winced. Fate was a cruel word.

"Rinoa!" the doctor shouted. "One last time!"

I gazed toward the end of the bed while holding her hand, hoping to see our future as parents come out to greet us. But all I saw as she pushed, was the uncertainty of our future together. The blood continued to rush out, even faster it seemed, but I did see a small light at the end.

"Again." I said to her. "I see our child's head."

Rinoa tried to nod, but instead obliged by trying once more, and laying her head back as she gave birth to our daughter, our baby girl. Her breath escaped harshly, but soon she was panting with a smile on her face, though weak as it was, she smiled. It was enough light for me.

I grasped her tightly and a tear came down my cheek. "Our baby..."

The doctor quickly cleaned up the child and announced freely that we a charming baby daughter.

We already had a name. Rinoa glanced at me and I nodded.

"Dacera. Dacera Raine Leonheart." we said in chorus.

She winced as the bed went down on its back. Before I could ask what was happening, everyone immediately took a handle on the side of her bed and began to wheel her out. My eyes followed them out of the room but from then on, all I could hear was the squeaking noise of the wheels rolling down the tiled hallway.

I was the only one left, with two nurses in the back of the room, wrapping Dacera up in a warm blanket and placing a pink cap on her head. I nearly jumped to the ceiling as one of them approached to me and whispered into my ear.

"They've taken your wife to the operating room."

The other nurse chimed in from the small bundle in the corner. "The doctor said your wife had a nasty tear in her cervix. If they don't get to work, she could bleed to death. He said you could come in the operating room."

I felt a hand on my shoulder and then it slipped away. "He wasn't sure how this was going to go."

They tried their best to comfort my thoughts of death, but they were to no avail. Instead, one nurse came over and handed me my small bundle of joy.

With my soft blue eyes I peered down into the eyes of my daughter, Dacera. She whimpered gently in my grasp.

Oh... those eyes...

I felt tears rise and fall to my cheeks. Our beautiful daughter, Dacera. I gazed deeply into her eyes as they opened to the world. She had eyes like her mother. They shined with a dark brown flavor, peering this way and that, grasping a hold of her surroundings. And I watched as she peered up at me, as if almost answering my thoughts in unison. Then she closed her eyes and began to whimper, wriggling within my grasp.

I placed my pointer finger on her lips and told her to hush now, for everything would be all right. She didn't reply, but her cries started to taper off as she yawned with sleep. The nurse came by and retrieved her from me.

"You should be with your wife."

I nodded. I blew a small kiss to my daughter, whom I felt so overcome by love for her, and began to walk to the operating room.

I had always hated hospitals. I couldn't stand them. As I walked down to the operating room, just only four doors down, I winced as I saw nurses running by with trays of needles, scissors, and Hyne knows what else. I came here to support my fiancée, the one I loved and promised I would be there for. But, as I walked down to that operating room, ugh I couldn't stand it. A drop of sweat fell down my forehead as I smelled the stench of the hospital. Cotton balls, medication, syringes, ooohh I almost felt like vomiting and fainting as I smelled that place.

It seemed like an eternity, but somehow I managed to reach that door, the door I feared would come alive and snatch me up. With strong anxiety, I hesitated to bring my head up to read the sign.

Operating Room.

I cringed, oh that feeling came into me and I just winced. I dared not to peer again, so instead I opened the damned doors and walked in.

People were rushing about, people carrying needles and plastic pouches. I blinked hard, trying to rid the fear from my eyes. It was fine in the Delivery Room, I could stand it there next to my wife, but now I felt eerily alone. A nurse saw me, turned and said, "You must be Squall." He pointed to the corner. "Hurry and get those clothes on, your wife's not holding out well."

My mind screamed. What!?

I hurried over, clearing the way for the running staff. I dressed as quickly as I could, fearing Rinoa may not hold out long enough for me. Why did this have to happen? We just wanted to start a family, dammit!

I pushed the doors open, and first viewed everything. It was too bright, it was too loud, it was too scary. I set my fear aside as my eyes made way to my fiancée, resting her back on that long raised cot. I immediately ran to her, as a couple nurses watched in sympathy. I didn't know yet she was going to die.

"... Rinoa?" I said, grasping her hand, filled with tubes and tape. I winced as my fingers ran over the needles, but oh I just wanted to be with her.

She didn't gaze up, but she acknowledged my existence next to her. I could feel the exhaustion in her slow breath.

"It's going to be okay. I'm here."

She softly nodded, trying to smile. I could see the uneasy weakness in her eyes. I looked further down on the bed and the only thing I could see was blood. The dark blood stained everything, the doctor's hands, the floor, the sheets, her clothes... oooh the mess was awful. She was weak from the loss of her blood.

Tears rose to my eyes, but I didn't fight them. She slowly began to droop her head back. The doctors watched as she started to get uneasy. They continued to try and fix the tear, but nothing was doing any good. They knew she would die, they just wouldn't tell me, the bastards.

But she looked up into my eyes quickly before she felt the strains of death coming at her eyes. She spoke with great effort trying to get the words out, and although I couldn't hear them well, I knew the meaning of each one, like a sixth sense.

"... D-Da... cer-r-ra..."

"I know. Sssh. J-J-Just take the lightness, show... it no mercy."

Her eyes, sick with lightness, pleaded to me.

I heard from behind us, as the nurses from the Delivery Room came in with our daughter. The small cart rolled up behind me, its squeaking wheels ringing in my ears.

"Ri... noa..." I said, more tears flowing down my cheeks. "Don't leave me, p-p-please? I need you!" I cried out, my eyes forcing down my sadness.

Rinoa only gazed at me, pleading still with her now sick dark eyes. She took my hand ever so gently and squeezed it before her eyes began to quiver.

"No! Rinoa!" I cried.

But she couldn't hear me. I watched in horror as her eyes, those dark brown eyes that I cherished for those many sunrises and many a dusk, glazed with a white cloud and rolled back into her head. The monitors on the side of her cot went crazy as her heart stopped. The beeping was loud and annoying through the room, but I couldn't hear it. Her hand fell limp into my grasp, her fingers resting still. I watched as her chest fell limp as well, releasing her last breath of life into the air. It dissolved without a trace in the room. As I felt her soul leap out and rise to the heavens, my ears cried as my daughter from behind suddenly screamed.

And with that, my love had died.

Everyone in the room either looked at me with deep sympathy or gazed at my daughter with sad surprise. I ignored them all, telling myself it was only a bad nightmare.

"... Oh Hyne..." I whimpered, my arms wrapping around her deceased body. Though the doctors pleaded for me that it was useless and that I should let go, I blew them off and ignored them entirely. My true love was dead now, and she never would see the true beauty and love between us and our daughter. Again, my eyes began to water. Soon, rivers of my tears were flowing down onto her.

"Hyne! Rinoa!" I screamed in the quiet room. "Come back! Oh H-H-Hyne... come back..."

My mind raced.

"It's no use..." a doctor said, coming up to me and rubbing my shoulder. "She's gone now."

I could hear my daughter crying in the background, her pain raging out from deep inside. I softly agreed.

"Cry all you want... D-Dacera... mom's not... coming back."

I just turned back to Rinoa. Ooooh... my sweet love... why did you have to leave now? I see so much in our future. Or, at least I did. We don't have a future anymore.

I saw it in my eyes as a game. Life was a game, a challenging game that no one really wins. All will lose, and as I glanced upon my fiancée one last time in that hospital before being carried out, I noticed the final result, and it was hard to miss.

Rinoa just lost.

Oooh... the past was hard. I slowly returned to reality, the image of my lost fiancée losing its clear focus. Rinoa disappeared from me again, like those many years before on our daughter's birthday, I watched her leave again. Every year...

I sighed. I took my hand up slowly, and with much regret, I picked up the picture and put it face down on the dresser. Not today, I didn't need to see this today.

I didn't feel like waking up everyone in the house, but now it was six o'clock. I turned my back to the picture and started to walk across the room. I debated if I should let my father sleep. Laguna had spent the whole night trying to wrap my daughter's birthday gifts, and trying to find the perfect hiding place for them. But then again, he probably would want to watch her open them up.

Well... nah... I'll let him sleep.

I adjusted my loafers and went to open the door.

But, before I could, I saw the door slowly open. I gazed into my daughter's eyes as she stood there in her pajamas. She rubbed her tired eyes with sleep.

"Hey sweetie, you're up early." I said.

She yawned, opening her mouth wide. She took a step closer and asked, "May I come in?"

"Of course." I said, and I let her pass. She nodded and her small feet entered my room. I turned around and watched as she climbed up onto the high bed.

Dacera Raine... my daughter. I wasn't ever able to describe her beauty. She looked almost exactly like her mother, dark eyes, slim body, almost all of it. Except her hair, her hair was a rich brown, like my hair, only it had small waves like her mother's. It puzzled me why she looked almost like her mother, but acted the same as I once did. Dacera had taken each of our qualities and spit them right down the middle. She was an exact replica of Rinoa, but yet I as well.

She looked up at me as soon as she got herself positioned right.

"Something wrong?" she asked, curiously.

I shook my head at her question. "No, I was just admiring your beauty."

She smiled faintly, lightening her attitude.

Ten years later, and she's still a miracle to me.

I breathed in, started walking to her and said, "Ten years old! My Hyne, you're getting to be a young lady."

"Grandpa says that to me all the time!"

"Well, he has a right to. And it's the truth after all."

She somewhat giggled. I couldn't help but to notice in her eyes that she was holding something back from me. Dacera and I had always talked when she felt like it. We got along great except for a couple of mishaps along the way. I don't see what was so out of place that she would try and hide it from me, so I started to worry.

"Dacera, is everything all right? You look... unhappy..."

That wasn't the word for what I was thinking of, but she understood.

"Yeah um..." she said, fidgeting with her nails, another nasty habit she got from me. "I had a dream last night..."

"Really? Tell me all about it."

She took that as a blow to her face and her head slumped down a little. Her chest length hair started to droop down to cover her cheeks.

"I dreamt... about mom..."

I wished she hadn't said that, because I had just tried to get over it. Was she going to start thinking of Rinoa on every one of birthdays as well?

"Did... did I really scream when she died?"

I glanced at her with surprise. But as her eyes came to me for an answer, I realized she knew it all. She knew the whole story now, about her mother. She knew she died because she lost too much blood, she knew Rinoa died telling me I was now the one who would show her everything in life, and I could tell she knew she screamed when her mother died.

I never spoke about her mother. I wished so deeply to tell her, but every time I would stop her to tell her, nothing would come out of my mouth and she'd stare at me with those eyes again. Those eyes exactly like her mother's, I could recognize them without fail. Then, instead of blurting it all out I'd make up something else, like to pick up her books from her bedroom floor, she's an avid reader, my daughter is, or something like helping with supper or doing the dishes. Even though Dacera and I can tell each other anything and never keep secrets from each other... somewhere deep down, I felt that certain twist of regret and relief at the same time. Some rules were made to be broken, but the guilt and crime still remains. I could never bring myself to do it. I thought maybe it was because it would bring so much pain, so much suffering back into my mind, or perhaps it was the fact that neither of us was ready to take that huge step of self discovering and surviving. She knew, my daughter knew of her mother and she knew the story, but she didn't know her, and she didn't know the epilogue well. She didn't know of her like I did, or any of it. Dacera was now looking at me for the answer of truth because of this. Dacera wanted a shoulder to cry on, and ooh... I wish I could give Dacera her wish.

I pulled her in to my warm chest and I let her embrace me.

"Yes, you know that. You knew everything all along."

I was confused. I had two choices to choose from. Either Dacera found out from her grandfather, whom I would most likely lecture later about telling her those kinds of things, or Rinoa had told her. Yes, I said that right. Or Rinoa had told her. Dacera knew her mother died with sorceress powers, perhaps she had inherited them from her. Perhaps Rinoa had passed them on to her before she died.

I had no clue and at the moment, all I knew for sure, was that all signs pointed to nothing. One conclusion popped up, nothing happened, it didn't fit.

I kissed her cheek and brought her hands up to her shoulders. "Dacera...? How did you know this? Did Laguna or Rinoa tell you?"

"Mom told me."

I nodded. Perhaps it wasn't the sorceress powers. Now, I don't think they even played a role in this. Perhaps Rinoa was sending me a sign of her affection, for the both of us. Whatever it was, I was pleased with it.

I could still sense her roaming around in both of our souls. I hugged my daughter again, whom we had created together, in the very same bed we were sitting on.

"Dad?"

I turned my head down to her. I could feel it, oh Hyne, this was it. She was going to ask one of those questions, one of those questions I wouldn't be able to answer. Dacera was going to expect something in return and all I could give would be a nod and a little shove off to the breakfast table. Hyne... please...

"Do you think mom will come back on my next birthday?"

An odd question, one of those questions indeed... but it was asked at the right time. I already knew the answer to this one. I already knew. As the years passed from her death, I never ceased to love or forget my Rinoa. And now as I gazed upon our daughter, looking into her eyes that appeared as shimmering and graceful as a swan swimming in a clear lake, I could see that Dacera hadn't either.

"Yes. Yes she will."


	2. Part II Life's Accidents

My eyes were most likely bloodshot from the lack of sleep, but I didn't give a care. The towering stacks of paper weren't going to get done without some loss of sleep. I glanced down at my watch and saw a quarter to six in the morning. Wow, had I really been up all night?

I sat up for a moment, and let my fingers rest a bit from typing. I took a hold of one and began to crack the knuckles, an annoying habit I had discovered when my aging bones were overworked. I cracked the other hand and stretched my fingers out.

I rested my head down on the desk for a moment, my glasses clinking on the wood as I set my mind to break. The light shined from the lamp and cast shadows across the room. I saw a tired old woman at the desk, wasting her life away as a teacher, philosopher and full-time mother. The shadows did not smile in return, even though I felt my lips opening up and revealing my teeth to the air. Wow, I needed a mint badly.

Long hours, but the pay was well worth it. And the job itself, was a whole different kind of reward. I had spent the past seven years watching students grow up. I watched life give me its best and its worst, but yet they had all walked away in the end as champions. As SeeDs. It was a reward that I treasured dearly.

I laughed a little under my breath and sat up again. As far as I was concerned, there were three types of people life could deal you, such as a card game. For cards, you had a choice of a face card, a number, or an ace. Your number cards, were your average, everyday students who had a dream but it was lost somewhere along the way and they lost sight of what they wanted. These were the ones you saw most often and these were the ones that you see enough of it seemed. Every other number is the same at first glance, but in the end you do realize each one has its different value.

Face cards were the royalty of the classroom. They achieved the highest scores on tests and were the model students. Ohhh, I hated every one of them with a passion but nonetheless they graduate and you'll never deal with them again. You never saw many of them, but they were more common than your ace card, the card I favor personally.

The ace. So versatile, so flexible, so rare! Haven't you always wondered why everyone loves the ace card? Besides the fact that it could make you or break you in a game of poker, but the ace card is so valuable, yet there's hardly anything there at the first sight of it. An ace card could be anything really. That's why I love it the most. It can be any kind of person. Your social outcast, the class clown, the nerd, it could be anyone. I wouldn't call myself an ace card, that would be an honor if I did. I myself would be the face card, everyone thought I was a child prodigy after all. Perhaps I was, perhaps I wasn't...

The ace card. Squall.

A smile came to my lips and I couldn't help but to open one of my drawers at the side of the desk. My fingers wrapped around a wooden frame, chipped in one corner on its trip from the house to my office and pulled it out gently. I pulled out the flap and let it rest on top of the papers idling on my desk.

I remembered the day we took the picture. Sunny day, perfect for a day at the beach in Balamb. Everyone saw that print shop and couldn't resist, seeing as how we would most likely split paths one day and move about our separate ways. We all did, that's what we must eventually do.

Selphie was on the far left in one of her more enlightening poses. I was awfully surprised Selphie became a SeeD on that fateful day many years ago, but now it was normal to believe it. She was a kind spirit, though loud and peppy as she was, she had a heart of gold, something I envied about her. Selphie stayed with Balamb for two years before heading back to her home. Trabia Garden. In the end, it proved to be her most fatal mistake. Selphie was murdered about a year after she returned, a gunshot wound to the head on a midnight walk on the campus. What possessed her to walk alone on that cold night I did not know, but her death was nothing short of devastating to Balamb. I remember it well, because it was only a few days before I asked for my old job back.

And Irvine, next to her, hah! That jokester, that perverted, ohh! He made me want to rip every hair out of my head sometimes! Sure, my arm is around him and such, but... those were the old days. That was when things were less complicated, and life hadn't even begun to show us our true meanings. Our true colors. That was when Irvine had a heart. He became a SeeD a year after Ultimecia's defeat. I would know, I watched him take those grueling classes and finish up his training. He deserved it, but it sickens me what he did to Selphie. I just... ugh, I can't even look at his face... without seeing Selphie mixed in there somehow. It's all over his features.

After she died, he said he'd spend his life with her at Trabia. And I believed him, how silly of me. He married some ignorant bitch from Trabia Garden, working there as part of the technical crew and they had a son, who was four years last time I cared to check.

I sighed to myself. Looking on the past like that with grudges won't get you anywhere Quistis... it's over and done with.

Rinoa and Squall were in the middle with their fingers interlaced with another. They were... the picture-perfect couple. They had a great life up until Rinoa's death, and everything was perfect. Squall, busy as he was, proposed to her and was planning to marry her he loved her so much but, she died I think before he could tell her everything he ever wanted to. And he knows it still.

I glanced at the watch on my wrist again. That's right, October the second today, wasn't it? Squall had the day off. It was his daughter's birthday. Ohhh Dacera was such a sweetheart, so much like her mother but yet frightfully quiet alike to her father.

I pulled out a sheet of paper from the massive stack I had in front of me and tore off a corner. I didn't care what it was about and I ended up tossing it back within the mess of work I had. On the piece I had torn, I wrote down with a black pen a reminder to get Dacera something for her birthday. I snickered to myself as I set the pen back down. Yes, even though I am only thirty or so years of age doesn't mean I have a mind that can stretch to its limits. I forgot the important things too.

Zell was on the far right. The only one in the picture who still had yet to experience what love was truly like. I have never seen a poor soul such to that of Zell. He was always to one who had nothing to hide, yet everyone seemed to hate him. I'll never know why, he was such a sweet young man, even if he was a tad on the wild side. He never wanted to see his friends get hurt.

My eyes trailed over to the screen on my desk. A memo I had received from Squall was posted to the side. I remember it said Zell had taken a recent leave from Balamb, and Zell had mentioned he may not be back. No, he didn't say I might not be back for awhile, he said he may not be back. When I first read it, my stomach clenched and twisted in a knot. I was so scared Zell was thinking of suicide, but he just... wasn't like that. Perhaps he went home to his mother.

I smiled at the picture, seeing our loving friendship slipping from my grasp. Everyone was so busy now, or dead. Life just... it just threw us all apart again. First, the Orphanage, and now again after Ultimecia. Maybe time compression decided to throw us each in our own time warp, which continuously spiraled down toward our crucial ends.

I hope not.

Without daring to take one last look, I grabbed the picture and stuck it back in its place. The drawer closed with a loud thump, shaking the desk and sending a few papers showering to the floor. The memo Squall had given me fell off the screen and landed.

My legs felt a little wobbly underneath me, but I rose from my position and stretched with a long yawn. I suppose it was time to get down to the cafeteria before the rest of the student body decided to but at first my legs wouldn't respond to the order my brain had sent them. I began to stagger toward the door with a bit of a lurch to my walk pattern.

The sun was just coming up from the sky, illuminating the dark window in the back of the room. Before I could even get my hand to control panel for the door, my eyes were caught by the bright orange-yellow glow and I stopped my hand. The window beckoned me with its seductive glint, and I responded. I turned toward it to welcome to beauty of the day upon the room, which so desperately needed it.

I opened up the shades to the room and instantly I was welcomed with a bright light. I had to block my view with my left arm while my eyes adjusted. My right hand gently touched up to the window, as if it wanted to touch the glow, like an innocent child. As soon as my eyes had finally let the light consume them, they traveled across the plains near Balamb.

The rising sun shined its warmth across the plains, sending wave upon wave of illumination across the green and tan colored grass. Off in the distance, I could even see the tops of Balamb's homes and businesses. They looked so hot and comforting this morning.

However, a storm forming near the shores of the ocean was threatening to block the sun. Its looming gray clouds surged up into the sky, and soon the rain would fall and the lightning would flash. Thankfully, it wasn't moving directly toward them and the storm would probably only dump rain on the Garden. I loved storms. For some reason, they seemed to set me at peace.

Standing there at the window, looking out at that storm made me think of that tragic night seven years ago. It was just another storm, alike to all of the others out there. I guess the weather and alcohol could have a devastating effect on your body when mixed together. It was kind of funny that they were both dangerous on their own, then when mixed together... who knows what suffering will become of it.

I sighed deeply and let the curtains fall. Soon what little light the room had vanished and I was in the darkness once again. Only the faint glow from my desk lamp shined the way.

The twins were barely two years old. Fatality had somehow managed to extend her vocabulary tremendously over a period of a week. Kavetina barely spoke she was so shy, but she always tried to tag along with her big sister. They were pretty equal, and sometimes even I had to check a few more times to make sure who was who.

I had offered to baby-sit the twins while Seifer took Elianta out to see a movie. What a fool he was.

"It's just another ordinary night," Seifer said, pulling his arms through the coat. It was chilly and even though he wasn't even through the door yet, I could still see his breath trailing him. "I suspect eleven at the latest."

His wife, Elianta, smiled and turned to me. She always was a pretty soul, but underneath was a cold-blooded killer. I could tell. "If anything comes up, we'll call. And we expect the same." she said, and grinned again.

I nodded and my attention was interrupted by one of the twins. A cry came out from the living room and I faced the direction the call came from.

Seifer grabbed Elianta's hand and nearly dragged her out the door. "Come on! Quistis can handle them."

As I went to the living room to check on the girls, I still saw his wife's eyes come into the home and search for any trouble. She couldn't even set aside her mothering worries for one night to be with her husband. It was either that or she didn't trust Quistis.

I knew that the twins couldn't have been in the living room by themselves and when I checked on the two, I saw the answer right away. Kavetina had scooted her chair across the kitchen floor and into the living room, where I was happily greeted by an airborne blob of mashed potatoes.

I wiped the disgusting and surprisingly only lukewarm potatoes from my face and flicked my hand to be rid of the awful mess. All Kavetina did was giggle at my expense, and she bounced delightfully in her chair. Her much more content older sister, Fatality, an odd name for a young child if you ask me, started garbling complete nonsense from the kitchen.

"Fwuck vrrooomm..." she said, and I could almost picture her playing with her spoon. "Dumb twrash."

As Kavetina happily giggled in her chair, I walked over to Fatality. On the way there, I had to avoid a mountain of blocks, three juice stains, and the remote control for the television, or the sound system... or... gaaah I'm not sure.

"What're you doing gorgeous?" I asked her in my baby-voice. It was a little high, but sweet.

"Fwuck go vrrroom!" Fatality replied, and lifted her spoon up to me. Mmmm, on the menu tonight was peas, mashed potatoes and some ham. A swell of peas mixed in with potatoes was hoisted to my nose.

I pushed it away gently. "Fatality, can you say... dump truck?" It was honestly the first thing that came to my mind, considering that's what I thought I had heard from her mouth before. Kavetina continued jerking herself in the chair, and I had to stick my foot out to keep it down on the floor.

She gave me an adorable toddler face and asked, a bit confused, "Dumb fwuck?"

I'm not sure what came over me, but I found myself bursting into laughter. Dumb fuck! Ohhh although I'm sure Elianta would have an outrage if she heard her daughter say that, I kept right on laughing. This encouraged the child to say it again.

"Dumb fwuck!"

More laughter split into my side and out from my mouth. From my near tearing eyes, I could see Fatality bouncing a little and I realized I would have to stop giggling. Elianta would have a fit if she saw what I was teaching Fatality but it was just so funny. Dumb fuck, it was too cute!

"Dumb fwuck, dumb fwuck!"

The child continued to chant it from the comfort of her chair and soon her chanting turned into screaming at the top of her lungs. Her younger sister, who wanted to do everything like her older sister, began to join along in a chorus of deafening proportions. I soon stopped my chuckling however when I felt little specks of something dropping on my head. My hand reached out and snatched out the peas that were tangled within my hair.

I stood up and scooted Kavetina's high-chair back into the kitchen as she resumed throwing her supper at her sister. I couldn't help a small snicker or two that escaped from my mouth. It was still so funny. Dumb fuck... haha haaa...

When the two were situated again, I grabbed both of their spoons, stole their half-eaten suppers and tossed them all in the sink with a roaring clash. Immediately, the two girls looked in my direction after the noisy crashing of the dishes. At first, their wide blue eyes were filled with shock and I thought to myself, hah! No supper for you!

Then their tiny faces began to crumble and I noted to myself, first meltdown of the night. The wails coming from the mouths of the twins I swear could've been heard for miles. Tears started to pour down the cheeks and I knew if I didn't do something fast, it was going to get ugly.

I nearly sprinted from the kitchen sink into the living room. Again, I had to dodge all sorts of obstacles in my way, but on the way there I didn't end up so well. My foot caught the top of the mountain of blocks, and my body lurched forward. My other foot jumped and landed in a mess of something and to this day, I'm still not sure what it was, but my mouth uttered a reply of revulsion. I almost shrieked when my already injured foot came down upon one of their hard-faced dolls and rolled to the side. When this occurred, I fell flat on my butt. It's a miracle I didn't land on something, or worse, in something.

And there I sat, my cheeks flushing a deep red and my ears becoming hot.

The twins, I soon noticed, had ceased their crying. Both of them were looking over to me, Kavetina with a greasy finger halfway in her mouth and peering at me with intense curiosity. I believe it was Fatality who started chortling, and soon the other was too.

As my mind began to imagine how silly I must've looked sprawled out like that, I joined in on the laughing.

I laughed until my eyes begged me to stop with their watery tears. Once I had regained control of myself, I picked myself up from the floor, pointed to the television and said, "Who wants to watch a movie?"

I knew the instant I said that there would be massive chaos among the twins and again, how right I was. Kavetina barely survived a nasty fall to the floor as she recoiled with joy. I leaped forward and caught the chair, just in time. Fatality began her loud chanting again by yelling out, "'Ovie! 'Ovie!" and kicking her legs to the wood.

Perfect. I've got them where I want them now...

So I popped in the movie, and there we sat on the couch watching it. And, as I knew would happen, both of them fell asleep on separate cushions beside me. I remembered glancing at my watch and finding that it was only nine o'clock. As soon as I had put the twins to bed, I would have the rest of the night to try and catch up on some paperwork from Garden.

Using one of the many remotes I found hidden within the cushions of the couch, I turned off the movie and got up from my awkward position. I stretched my arms up and felt my shoulders crack. I'm sure it wasn't healthy for you, but it felt good after being cuddled up for nearly an hour.

Gently, I knelt down to the side and plucked up Kavetina. She was curled up a little ball with her thumb pleasantly tucked into her mouth. I figured there was no need to change Kavetina into her pajamas, but I noted to change her diaper before putting them to bed. She needed it badly. Softly she was laid into the crib, and I went to retrieve the other one.

On my way to the couch, my path was cut short by a small figure walking toward me. I knelt down to the child and scooped her up into my arms.

She rubbed her soft blue eyes with a somewhat pudgy hand and yawned. I smiled and hoisted her up a little to hold onto her better. Fatality set her head down on my shoulder, and like her sister, stuck her thumb in her mouth right away. The small gesture made a much happier, more warm smile appear on my face. Perhaps Fatality wasn't always the idolized, it seemed even she had someone to look up to.

When I set her down on the changing table, her eyes opened up again and looked straight at me. I assumed she was too tired to know what was going on, but it still startled me a little. I disposed of the used diaper and put a fresh one on Fatality. Soon, her eyes closed again and she was still. I grinned and snatched the other one up from the crib. I soon finished changing her as well and she was set back in the bed.

I each blew them a kiss good night and began walking out. My hand got to the light switch and had shut off all of the power in the room when I heard a soft cry from the crib. My first thought was ohhh no, no glass of water for you young lady. I didn't realize one simple moment with a child was yet to come, one I would treasure forever even though she wasn't yet my daughter.

"Kisee?" I heard from the crib. Since neither of them could properly pronounce all of their letters yet, that was the closest my name got. Slightly irritated, I walked over expecting a stall tactic to ensure her a later sleep time.

I saw Fatality's inquiring eyes and I replied, "Yes sweetie?"

Again her hand rubbed her eyes. "Win da-da home?"

In toddler talk, that translated to when is my father coming home.

I carefully brushed a piece of her lovely brown hair away from her forehead and responded, "Soon dear. Daddy and mommy went out to see a movie." I didn't speak my mind out loud, but if I had, it would've sounded something close to, yes daddy and mommy went out to a movie and instead spent the night in the car out in some deserted parking lot. What were they doing? Well Fatality my dearest, you can ask them when they get home.

"I wan da-ee..." Fatality started, and choked into a soft cry. She had managed to pull herself up to speak with me at the bars of her crib but now she flopped back down on the mattress and sobbed.

For a moment, I thought to myself, I wish I had a love in my life too... but then the thought passed. I want your daddy too, I've wanted him ever since I started teaching in his class Fatality. Sadly, it was the truth, yet nothing was mumbled from my lips. That was the past, the near past. Time to put it away.

My hand patted her head gently and I said, "Daddy will be home soon. Now rest."

For once, the young lady didn't put up a fight, and she laid back down. I chuckled to myself, touched by her innocent and young beauty. I stood there for a few more moments, watching them sleep peacefully. Whoever said toddlers weren't good observers and didn't experience mature emotions needed to be shot.

My mind continued to wander aimlessly, drifting back often to the thought of how mature these two seemed. I actually believed I started dozing off when I heard the ring of their telephone.

I snapped back to attention. Quistis, atten hut! The ring of the telephone registered immediately, but my brain was a little slow. After the second ring, I finally sprang up and nearly missed the call. I caught the cordless in the master bedroom.

"Hello?" I said, a little out of breath.

"Hi, my name is Dieto Frost with the Galbadian police patrol in Deling City. Who is this?"

My heart leaped to my throat and began to beat harder. "My name is Quistis Trepe..." I paused for a moment, taking a deep breath. "What's the trouble? What's wrong?"

I heard a sigh from the other end of the line. There was some filing of papers, something I knew all too well and then his voice returned. "Are you a relative or a friend of the Almasy family?"

"I'm their baby-sitter tonight, but yes, I'm a friend of the family."

Oh Hyne, what was going on!? My heart was beating rapidly and I could feel it all the way to my fingertips. I wanted to scream at this officer. What's happened? What's going on?

"Does the Almasy family have any immediate family within the vicinity?"

Family? Family!? What was this, an interrogation? He seemed so calm.

I clutched the phone tightly in my hand and I rose from the bed. I paced about the room, moving from one wall to another.

"Uhhh... I truly have no idea. I wouldn't be the one to ask."

His deep voice replied, "I see."

I covered the phone for a moment while I gasped for air. I didn't realize I had taken in a breath of air and held it.

"Well, we can do a background check on the family."

I remembered from my younger days, how I would read small novels and mini-mysteries. The more this phone call dragged on, the more it seemed to be like a phone call from one of those books I had read when I was much younger. What was it? A murder? Rape?

Seifer, what have you done now? What trouble have you gotten yourself into this time around? First it was fire crackers at the beach, threatening the President, now what?

I began to rub my pulsing temples. Ohhh I should've never accepted the job.

"Ma'am? Are you still there?"

I replied quickly, "Yes, I am."

"I'm sure you're going through a variety of scenarios in your head right now, hmm?"

I let out a half-hearted chuckle. "Heh, I guess."

I quickly went into the girls' room to check on them, and once I did, I heard his voice come back on the phone. He didn't even really need to say anything, somewhere deep down inside, I think I knew what he was going to say before he even got the words to his lips. Thing is though, he knew it too.

"At approximately eight twenty this evening, a three vehicle collision occurred on the outskirts of Deling City. Seifer Almasy, the driver and his wife Elianta stopped at a highway intersection before passing through."

Hyne, a car crash... that's what killed him. If he's dead at all, he may not be. I started nibbling cautiously on my fingernails.

"- car collided on the passenger's side, killing Elianta instantly. She was dead when the paramedics arrived. Once this had happened, the car spun out of control and into the ditch. Seifer..."

What about their daughters dammit!? How careless of Seifer! What a selfish bastard he was to get... wait, Elianta...?

"- time breathing and when the medics arrived, they couldn't save him."

It didn't make sense to me. Why would he do that? Why would he pull out if there was another car coming? Was Seifer drunk? He's rushing this...

I was breathing rapidly with the beat of my heart. My head throbbed terribly.

"Do you have any questions?"

Only a million. Was this all he was going to say? There had to be more. I sighed impatiently, again rubbing the temples. It seemed to make more sense to me if I came out there with the children or he came here if he wanted to run things smoothly. It was only a few hours by train to Deling and perhaps an hour by car after departing the train.

I said, "Only one as of now." My head was starting to swim. All of a sudden, I didn't feel so well and I had the urge to vomit. "Could we meet somewhere and discuss this? It's late, and the twins..."

The man on the other side chuckled a little and answered, "Understandable. I'm sure I've caused enough trouble for you... I did want this call to end as soon as possible." As he said that, his voice seemed to lower and become more dark. "Is there any way you could get yourself and the children here to Deling? If not, the patrol ca -"

"Yes yes, I can do it easily enough."

"Fair enough," he replied, and I heard more shuffling papers. "If you need anything, I will be here all night if you wish to call. Otherwise, could you come to Deling as early as tomorrow?"

"That would be fine." I nodded. But would it really be though? I had to report this to Garden yet. They wouldn't care much about Seifer's death, they'd just want to know whether I'd be there to teach class or not.

"You are aware of Deling's layout, yes?"

I coughed, feeling a hot sensation flare up in my stomach. It was inevitable now, I was going to be sick. I had to get off the phone. "Yes."

He said, "How about coffee at the patrol station? We're not far from the Caraway Mansion."

I was in a hurry now, I was already rushing toward the bathroom. "I can find it. I've been there."

I could hear him faintly writing something down and then his voice came on again, "What's your name again ma'am?"

Hot bile, it was slowly lurching up my throat. "Quistis... ohhh Trepe."

"Noon tomorrow then, Miss Trepe. Good day."

"Fare... well..." I said, and I dropped the phone as I felt the vomit rising. Leaning over the toilet, I threw up. As everything came out in a dizzying, sickening rush, I felt my emotions go with it. Tears began to roll down my eyes as my head rested against the edge of the seat. My choking sobs echoed in the bathroom and out the window.

Ohh why did you have to die Seifer? You idiot! You and your wife! You left your children... family... your home... your friends... not like you ever cared for them...

I remember I spent the rest of the night crying in the bathroom. Eventually, somehow in that strange position, I had cried myself to sleep and when morning shined in through the window, I could hear the girls yelling for their daddy and I could feel my neck screaming in protest.

The light of the lamp was still dim, but now the sun had risen higher up in the sky. The storm clouds had passed a little, allowing the sun to shine onto the Garden.

I was thankful to Hyne that the girls were a little too young to understand what death was. Once Dieto and I had placed the girls in an orphanage until I could come up with the money to adopt them myself, I kept praying to Hyne that they wouldn't remember. They were too young. How could they?

Remember, there's something about young children that shows their maturity. They understand emotions almost as well as we do. They're observers too.

I sighed and sat down at my desk again. Dieto was there to greet me in his picture frame, sitting on a Balamb bench smoking a cigarette. After Seifer's death, we kept seeing each other, even after the whole situation had been sorted out.

I hated to look back on Seifer's death, but I have so much today from it. My husband, our children, his children... I couldn't imagine my life now without them. Though as sad as it may sound, his death gave my life meaning. It influenced it.

I didn't have any pictures of Seifer to this day, but I have his children, my children. I could see Seifer in their faces, in their eyes. He was still very much with us, he was watching us through his own daughters.

I don't understand life as much as everyone else thinks I do. Yes, I did help defeat Ultimecia, who threatened to take away all of what we had but that didn't give me the knowledge to understand it. It was only one experience, with so much information it was hard to grasp onto things. The concept was difficult, and one false step could send you into a time warp for eternity.

I think it would take an entire lifetime to fully understand life. We must live it before we can comprehend it.

The sun had now risen high enough to the point where I could see the beams displayed on the far wall. Just enough to spill over the edge of the window.

Don't ask me what life means, what it is, or why life deals us certain cards. Many things are paired with it. Perhaps it's just our duty to find them all.

A thought occurred to my mind as I sat for a few seconds, watching the rays on the floor of the classroom. Before the thought could slip away from my grasp, I grabbed the telephone and dialed the number home.

A few rings was all it took for Kavetina to answer.

"Hi honey," I said, leaning forward a little in my chair. "Has your father left yet?"

An innocent, absolutely adorable reply, "No, he's still here. You want him?"

I nodded. "Yes please."

"Okay, one second."

There was the sound of the phone begin exchanged between hands.

And then, his voice came back to me all over again. "Did you forget to call and tell me you were going to stay at the Garden last night?"

I laughed to myself a little. "I guess I did." As I was talking to him, I pulled open one of desk drawers.

"What's up?"

My fingers roamed through the mess I had begun in my drawer, and they latched themselves around a set of keys, just to make sure they were still there. Yup, still were.

I could hear the sounds of breakfast in the background at home. Kavetina was most likely helping her father make pancakes and Fatality probably had her head stuck in a book while the food was being prepared.

The image made me smile. Sometimes... it's the little things in life such as the image of your family at the breakfast table... that kept us going through life. To keep going through it all.

"Dieto?" I asked.

"Yes?"

The breakfast table... the dinner... the movie, the phone call... death... I jangled the keys in my desk.

I said, "Don't expect me home for supper tonight."

I could imagine one of his rough eyebrows raising against the phone. "Oh? And why is this?"

I jingled the keys once more and then dropped them. "I'm walking home tonight."

And I slammed the desk drawer shut.


	3. Part III Forgetful Regrets

I wasn't a very happy camper when I swung my legs over the side of the bed that morning. Any normal person wouldn't be happy if they had to get up just before six o'clock in the morning to answer the damn phone. I think my wife Denisse wasn't included within that category. As the phone clanged in my head, once, twice, up to seven times, my wife didn't even shift from her sweet slumber. Well… lucky her.

My hand fumbled around on the nightstand as I reached for the telephone. When I managed to answer the line, I wasn't quite awake yet, and all that came out on the trail of my morning breath was a dissatisfied humph.

"Kinneas! Are you usually up at this time?" an energetic, almost high-pitched voice rang into my ears. Only Royd would be cheerful enough to call someone in the early morning hours. He always seemed so damned happy about everything.

"No," I grumbled, looking at my alarm clock on the nightstand. The numbers five, four and six glared at me from the safety of the plastic shield that covered them. "I'm usually sleeping… like any sensible person who normally goes to work at eight o'clock."

"Well you'll be going to work a little early this morning!"

Another humph came from my mouth. I imagine it probably matched the image I was projecting. I sat hunched over on the side of the bed, clearing my throat to the floor as my hand held the phone lazily to the side of my face, a face covered with a patch of week-old stubble. What was wrong now? Couldn't work just leave me alone and let me spend my daybreak eating cold bagels on the beat-up card table?

"Whatever this is… can't it wait? I wanted to dig up the microwave and actually eat a hot breakfast this morning."

Royd sighed on the other end, something he wasn't really known to do often. "I know you're still trying to unpack everything, but some kids managed to upload a bug into the system. I need someone who can take care of this matter quickly."

I brought my free hand up to my face and slowly massaged my temples. Perhaps I woke up too fast which caused me to have that feeling of being completely drained. The night before I didn't drink, I didn't make supper and I didn't roam through the many boxes lined up against the walls. Lawrence went to bed fairly early, which for him was around ten o'clock, and he didn't cause too much trouble. He played in the bathtub with his plastic farm animals and pretended he was herding them away from the drain. Denisse came in to help wash his hair, because after all, she's mommy and only mommy can wash his hair the right way. She read him a book and he fell asleep. We as a couple didn't do anything, which was how it was since we moved into this damn house.

That was it. Stress. Stress from moving into the house.

"You still there Kinneas?"

Unfortunately, I was. I pleaded, "Can't you find anyone else to go in and fix it?" Many of the guys at Trabia were qualified to do the job. Why pick me?

Another audible sigh came from the other side of the conversation. "Risa's anniversary is today, you know, so she took the day off to go visit her family down in Dollet. Didn't you look over the schedule for this week?"

"Yeah, of course I did," I replied, bringing my legs up to the bed and shuffling them under the covers. "I didn't think she had today off."

"Well, Irvine, it's October second."

Shit. It was the second, wasn't it? Denisse probably had the date written down somewhere and neglected to tell her husband about it. Hell, she probably already sent the card for Risa too. This was going to be a lovely day…

"Danne, isn't he still floating around Trabia? Call him."

"Sorry, Irve, he called in sick late last night just before his shift. You're the only one I've got right now..."

I almost groaned, partially because I was getting sick of his routine nicknaming. I wasn't going to be able to get out of this one. They always came to Irvine Kinneas when trouble popped up. Irvine, fix this. Kinneas, fix that.

I remembered back when I was a certified SeeD. I had many missions I was assigned to do, but I was paid well and didn't have to worry about the nonexistent family back home. It wasn't the constant droning on and on about Irvine fixing this and fixing that. I came back to the dormitory every night with a proud paycheck in my hands and the satisfaction of knowing that what I did was well worth it.

It almost makes me wonder why we make so many different changes in life. I wouldn't mind a few different takes now and then, say… when it comes to women, heh, but I'd like to stay with one job, one group of friends, one home. The idea of vast changes virtually frightens me, because it's taking that one giant leap. Thinking of the consequences of that giant leap is terrifying. Hyne help me… how have I made it this far in life?

" - Kinny? Hey, Kinneas, are you going to do this for me?"

Hyne help me… how have I made it this far with his job?

"Do I have a choice?" I asked, sarcastically.

Royd didn't seem to take any notice of it. He never did. He had the brains when it came down to business, which he didn't see much of because he worked for the collective of Trabia Garden, but otherwise we all just knew him as good old gullible Royd.

He responded, "You have half an hour to get here."

"Right-o, Royd," I sighed, glancing down at my wife, as she slept comfortably beside me.

"Thanks bud."

Click.

For a moment, I almost felt like imitating Lawrence and blowing a huge raspberry at the phone, but I resisted the urge. After all, Trabia was calling now…

I began to process of getting out of bed. Two boxes lay at the foot of the bed, with all of my socks, underwear and work boots. Three boxes huddled on top of each other at our bedroom door, containing all of the jeans and work shirts I had composed over the years. A fat pile of hangers was on the floor next to the boxes of shirts and pants. Ugh, this is what I have to come home for after work…

I stood naked roaming through the boxes upon boxes of garments. After I had changed, I took a whiz, and was greeted by… yup… more boxes in the hallway. I trudged on toward the kitchen but I accidentally misjudged a step and my foot kicked a stray box in the hall. I heard glass tinkling inside and both my mind and my foot knew, something had busted.

"Fuck," I mumbled, kneeling down to open it. I was positive Denisse would be opening this box and slicing her hand on a piece of glass, so I figured I'd find out what had shattered inside.

As I unfolded the flaps, I could only think of how annoying it was to be wasting five minutes of my time to clean up. But to my amazement, I began unfolding the things from my distant past. Beneath the crumpled newspaper, I touched something hard and round. I lifted the shreds away to find my old cartridges from my rifle! I realized… it had been years since I had shot anything from it. The last gun I ever held was my son's, when I bought one for him on his birthday. He nearly shot Squall with it once, and that was when my wife decided to pack the gun away… heh.

I probed deeper. After carefully setting the tiny pellets back in, my hand came across something soft. I had no idea what it could've been until I held it up to the light.

My old cowboy hat!

It had been years since I last wore it! My fingers caressed the brim with slick ease, and I experienced a surge of emotion hiking throughout my body. This is what I've been missing! The memories of picking up my gun and closing one eye to shoot, memories of walking in my long coat and black boots, memories of tipping my hat to…

I picked up my hat to discover the jingle of glass I heard when I kicked the box.

"… of tipping my hat to the gang…"

A picture smiled back at me from behind a single crack of glass. I sat fully on the floor to take it in.

I took a long look at myself. Wow, was I a stud or what? I trained my eyes onto the cocky smile and the cowboy hat upon my rusty hair. Those were the days. Those were the days indeed. The only worries I had back then were homework and getting to class on time. My midsection was lean and tanned, I had no wrinkles on my face, and the ladies always wanted to be close.

Even Quistis wanted to back then. Her arm was slung around my shoulder like we were best pals. She wasn't an instructor yet, she didn't ask for her old job back until much later. I never had her as an instructor, but everyone always told me she was the best. I guess I didn't see what made her so great. Behind her rimmed glasses, I knew there was torment and pain. She had a temper that Quistis, quick to judge and… I don't know… she always seemed so reserved about something. She married an officer from Deling and adopted two little girls. I bet they're the jewel of her eye.

Squall and Rinoa, now those two were a couple… I hoped Denisse and I would be the same someday, but it hasn't reached that peak yet. We never held hands as we walked and we never cuddled together like they did. Our love was so kept. When Lawrence came along… it seemed to make our love so much more held back. Squall and Rinoa were engaged for a long length of time and then Rinoa died. He was blessed with a daughter… but to imagine their love torn apart by birth is so heart-wrenching. I think he's doing better now, but I always envied the love they had.

Oh, yeah! Hah! Then there was Zell on the far right with hot dog falling from his lips and chin. That kid was something else. He wasn't arrogant, but to make up for that, Zell was wary. He was wild, but to make up for that, he could be content with certain subjects. The thing I remembered most about him was his caring side. Damn, did that kid care. He would risk his life to save someone. Hell, I guarantee if he knew Edea then as the person she was now, he would have thrown himself in front of my shot when I was assigned to kill her those many years ago. It's a shame though, I haven't heard a thing from him in such a long time. I'd kill to see that kid eat another one of Balamb's hot dogs, heh.

I'm not sure why I didn't notice that little swatch of yellow next to me in the picture, but I think it was because of the jagged crack running through it on the far left. Quickly, I turned the frame over to obtain the picture and cursed when my pointer finger on my right hand slid across the edge of the glass. I set down the frame and turned the picture over into my hands.

A blotchy fingerprint of scarlet was caught in the folds of her yellow dress.

Oh Hyne… had I forgotten her…?

Her sweet melodic smile instantly filled my sullen eyes with regret. I felt a drop of it fall down my cheek. Certainly my life hadn't changed that drastically, to the point that I would forget Selphie… my dear sweet Selphie…

The defeat of Ultimecia had thrown us on our separate paths. I was determined to get my official rank, and since she already was a SeeD, she didn't have to worry about it. I had classes at Balamb, Selphie didn't. I spent my nights doing homework underneath the brightness of a desk lamp and she spent her nights in the Quad scheduling activities for a Garden Festival like no other. Even when I did become a SeeD, things didn't change much. I was assigned on several missions right away, and well… Selphie never was assigned to anything. Not when I was at Balamb anyway.

I felt another tear slide down the side of my face. My last mission… my last official mission from Balamb Garden…

That night was long ago, too long ago it seemed. Long enough to the point when I'd forgotten Selphie herself, but not the details of her tragic end.

I'd never forget the argument we had though… never…

Selphie wasn't one to get mad over anything, but I think it was my own doing that did it that night. I had made her upset. When she got mad, her whole face showed it. Her lips would draw tight, her forehead would crinkle and her eyes would spit that salty aquamarine into my face.

"You're leaving when?"

"Tomorrow morning," I replied, holding her hand gently as I hung up the phone next to me. I had received a call from Headmaster Cid, asking me to return to Balamb right away, Headmaster Martine was making an unexpected appearance and I needed to be there.

She gazed at me with only the beginning of her suffering. "You just got here!"

I looked at the phone and saw myself staring at it. "Yeah I know babe…"

"Tell Cid you need a vacation!"

I squeezed her fingers in my grasp. Selphie's hand felt warm, but it wasn't inviting. I had arrived around nine o'clock that morning for a little relaxation with Selphie, my first real crush… my first real love… I hadn't seen her since she transferred to Trabia about eight or nine months before. I didn't want to upset Selphie, but I didn't want to upset Headmaster Cid, or Headmaster Martine for that matter. If I chose not to follow orders, that meant losing my SeeD status I worked so hard to get.

"… Irvy?"

I turned my head to her and she placed her other hand on top of mine. I watched the sorrow circulate within a pool of green and blue that was her eyes. Hyne… she was so beautiful… her curled brown hair and tiny frame… it made my day just to see her dazzling smile.

"I haven't seen you in so long…" she said, repositioning herself so that her head was sitting comfortably in my lap. Dammit, she was going to make me sympathize with her by gazing up at me with those cheerless eyes. Well, actually, she always made me a little weaker when she placed her head in my lap.

I leaned forward and kissed her sweetly on the lips. I had to make sure I wouldn't give in to her this time. Selphie had never asked me to call Headmaster Cid back to try and avoid a mission before, but she had pressured me to do a lot of dangerous things in the past. Which was surprising, I thought I'd always be the one asking Selphie to join me on some risky business, but I guess when I… when I saw Selphie, I… I guess I had more respect for her.

Shit.

Selphie wriggled in my lap and gave me that look of complete longing again, even though I was right above her, holding her, watching over her to make sure she was going to be all right. I couldn't give in to what she wanted, and I couldn't give in to what I wanted. The past two or three years had been what my instructor, or Headmaster Cid or what Balamb Garden wanted. Damn it all, if I had to take off in the morning and leave Selphie sleeping unknowingly in her bed, I was going to do it the right way.

I grasped both of her hands and pulled her close to my face. Her complexion was so perfect, so petite and shameless in every way. I was so lucky to have her… to have her trust and to have her respect… and to just… have her there at all… why did I let it go so easily?

Selphie took the initiative and brought her soft hands up to my face. She placed long kisses on my cheeks as my generous hands lifted her little body. I set her down neatly on top of my lap and slowly exhaled as my wistful eyes studied her. Selphie wasn't tense, but she seemed more mild than usual. Well, if that was how she wanted it…

After Selphie had enlightened my lonely lips, I laid her down, her hair parting both ways into a cloud of white cotton. She kept her eyes open to mine, not watching my hand slowly lift her dress up to caress her stomach. I was only thinking of her… and how she felt… I was only going to be there for Selphie that night. The next day, it was off to work again.

When I began to move my hand upward, unhurriedly, Selphie clasped onto my hand pleasantly from above her dress as my fingers trickled under the lace which concealed her elegant breasts. She still didn't seem to take it in fully, but… she had done that before. Selphie did that to try and trick me once in awhile, I mean… she did have an unruly personality to her, but it was nearly impossible to get it out in the sunshine. At least, I'm almost positive it was there… after all, she did… run out into the most dangerous and coldest of nights, not within a suitable state of mind… all because of something rash… something I did…

I remember my love looking down and seeing herself half-naked, and I watched hopefully as a glaze of affection and desire slipped over her eyes, effortlessly, almost enchantingly. I could nearly taste her radiance as it dripped off of her glowing body. I didn't catch myself lustfully savoring her magnificence, when inside… Selphie was deeply troubled…

My body detached itself from my mind immediately… after she boldly rose up from my hand upon her chest and grasped for my shoulder. She slithered closer to my body, slowly enough to suggest that a new character had risen from within. But then, within an instant, she had wrapped her fingers around my triceps and sucked me into a blissful wonder of a driven woman, bound by her duty.

My mind was forever lost in Selphie as I heedlessly began to unbutton the back of her dress with one hand.

"Irvy? What do you think?" she whispered, her lips so close I swear I felt each one tickling my face.

My other hand had retracted from the innards of the yellow fabric to assist the other. "… Huh? What do I think about what?"

"What do you think about this?"

I released the first button, and the next before I mumbled, "Uhh… think about…"

"Is this clean?"

"Of course you're clean sweetheart… we're clean…"

Selphie smiled at me as my fingers tugged the final button loose. She didn't hesitate as my hands held on tight and agreeably lifted the golden dress from her body. From beneath the woven strings of the fabric, I felt her smile fabricating itself onto my face. Her lips didn't waver.

"Irvy? Is this justified?"

I silently, but noticeably rejoiced when I was at last able to curl my arms around her body and feel her flesh sliding along with me. Mentally, I wondered how such a beautiful feeling could not be justified.

"Please, no more talk babe…"

Her pasted grin was wiped from her face. I gently lowered her body to mine. Selphie followed suit by taking my SeeD scarf and tossing it away with the flick of her hand. She reached to the zipper of my jacket and unzipped it halfway. Underneath, her cold fingers brushed by my neck, and I cooed.

"Why? Why stop talking?" she asked, her eyes trailing up and down the length of my neck.

I could see her searching just beneath the suit of my SeeD uniform, and it made my situation all the more tense. By then, it was more than tight quarters down there, and now the beast was lashing out against the walls of its imprisonment.

"Selphie…" I breathed, nearly rolling my eyes back into my head as her leg lifted itself from its perch and slipped across the tops of my thighs. I was sweating now, as was she, but she could get away with it. The glean of her body's salt made her skin a pale, peach color, shining happily under the light of the room.

"Hmmm?" she asked, sliding her fingernail under my chin. It was obvious her purpose, but I needed to make sure she and I were on the same page. Why I tried… I'm not even sure anymore…

"Selphie," I asked, bringing myself up with her seated comfortably on the soft bed sheets beside me. "Can it… be tonight?"

She touched my hand, stable upon her shoulder and not willing to let go. Selphie gazed down at my hand before her eyes came back to mine, trouble and confusion boiling within. Her brow came over her eyes just slightly, and cast a shadow over her lids. Her top lip trembled.

I leaned down to look up to her directly, hands glued to her shoulders, tension and desire subsiding gradually…

She closed her eyes when I leaned in to gaze into her. I came back, neck exposed and scratched, nearly trembling myself when I explored the possibility of hurting her with a straightforward question. Was it forceful upon her? Did I… say it the wrong way? I never wanted that… I just wanted – no, needed to be with her tonight… this one last night before I was off yet again… unable to be with her, or… to see her sparkling smile upon her complexion…

The thought of being without Selphie at all was just… unfeasible… unbearable.

When I peered up again into her eyes however… she had something else on her mind…

"Is… is…" she started, straining to speak through a throat that was nearly clenched tight. I saw a tear fall from below a swatch of fluffed brown hair and dark shadows intertwined. Her fist was clasped shut. "Is that… is that the only thing you want tonight?"

My heart was filled with regret instantly. The mood was beyond the point of trying to initiate once more. I squeezed her shoulders gently and tried to save what we had started there, but when my hand came up to wipe her wet cheek, she slapped it away.

I looked at my hand, shocked. "Babe…"

"Don't y-you babe me!" Selphie rasped, lifting herself up from the bed on weak legs and pointing her finger straight at my face. "Why? Why? Why would y-you do this?"

"Hyne, Selphie… what am I doing?"

She huffed and thrust her arm to the side. "This! Making a move on me!"

It started first with the drawing back of her lips. Moments before they had been a rosy lust of plump tissue on her face. But now they were tight, thin, and white. The skin would rip apart if she pulled them any tighter. I couldn't tell then if she was still aroused or faking something.

I hesitated. "Is… is this a joke?"

Selphie's lips seemed to disappear within the folds of her skin. She would never know what it was like to have those wrinkles on your face, to show where the skin was pulled apart in the wide embrace of a smile. When she smiled, they were there, prominent and capping the full length from her nostrils to the ends of her lips. It still makes me wonder today… how she was never going to see that and experience that in her lifetime…

"I don't know Irvine…" she said. She never called me Irvine. She only called me that when it was business, or when she was angry with me. Selphie wasn't angry with me now though, she was furious. "Is this a joke?"

The forehead wrinkled with that question. She'd never have to deal with those troublesome wrinkles either. I had them already, ten years later.

"What am I doing sweetheart? Just tell me..." I pleaded.

Selphie made a choking sound as she held back a sob. "You're… I… Irvine, you're only asking this of us because you're l-l-leaving tomorrow…"

"I thought we were in mutual agre – "

"Well, apparently we weren't!" Selphie snapped. Spittle flew from her lips. Those stretched lips. "I was having fun until I realized… until I – "

"Until you realized what honey? Come on… this is stupid…" I got up from the bed to approach her, and to wrap my arms around her body, but again she whisked herself away from her grasp.

"Yes, this is stupid!" Selphie quickly snatched her discarded dress and fumbled to fit inside of it as her body shook with anger. She adjusted her dress as it slid down to the tops of her knees. Seeing her hands fidget with the material was disheartening. She tugged and pulled at it as if it didn't belong on her body… and it made me feel all the more worse as I stood there foolishly in front of her. "What you're doing is stupid!"

"Selphie, for Hyne's sake… what am I doing?"

The eyes. Oh Hyne, it was the eyes then… she just couldn't skip the best part, because after all, seeing her eyes was one of the things that made my day so much more special. But nothing… nothing about what her eyes were telling me that night was special.

"Selphie!" I cried. "Just tell me!"

"You were going to do this to me tonight and then leave me tomorrow morning! You were going to go back to Headmaster Cid like his slave, lapping at his feet and tending to his every need and leave me behind!"

Silent stance. I let her go on as the guilt rumbled inside of me.

"Irvine… hasn't our relationship meant taking measures to ensure we did have time for each other? I thought you respected me. I thought you had told me you had saved everything for a time when it was perfect…"

"It wa – "

Blemished rage. "It wasn't perfect Irvine! It wasn't perfect!"

"But…"

My hands were held out to her, and this time, though I'm sure her hands were as warm and as uninviting as they were after I had hung up the phone with Cid… she didn't take them. They beckoned to her, curling the joints and calling her name… but she did not take them.

"Irvy…" she said, without catching herself. "You were going to leave me to lie here in the morning… weren't you…?"

Her hands came forth in a gesture toward the bed behind me, but my arms sunk down to my sides. They sunk with my shoulders as the weight was hoisted upon them. As many may have said, that was the moment of truth.

I stood, solid, unwavering, although I could see my vision doing the opposite. A quick breath sucked the guilt from my eyes, but not from my heart. Tears threatened to break the barrier, but I held them back.

This was not a time for Irvine Kinneas to be weak. Irvine Kinneas was a certified SeeD, graduated two years before from Balamb Garden. I was paid well for the work I did for Balamb.

But as I remained… I couldn't help but wonder…

If I had lied to Selphie that night, and taken her by the hand, would she have let me hold it? If I had lied to her and calmed down the argument, would she still have let me sleep with her? If I had lied to Selphie… would she have died…?

How idiotic I was back then! How could I have mistaken her actions for a simple game of cat and mouse? A simple game of hard-to-get…?

Why? Why is it that life seems so similar to that? What is everything in our lives but a measly game of hard-to-get? We began in an Orphanage as children… growing up together and all it took was a junction with a Guardian Force to forget everything. I enrolled at Balamb Garden and it took me a year before I was a certified SeeD. Before that, I had spent almost seven years at Galbadia Garden, reaching toward the same goal!

And now with Selphie… two years of being with her… having our inside jokes… feeding each other fries from the cafeteria in Balamb, when I was able to see her…

Her smile… her eyes… never forgotten in the two years with Selphie…

And all it took was something like this to happen… for all of it to come crashing down…

My head was hung low, my rusty hair tickling the tips of my eyelashes. I brought my eyes up to hers, and the battle was lost between my mind and my tears.

She saw the truth in them. Selphie didn't need me to say it to her.

"No more…" she whispered, her head now drooping to the floor. "No more Irvine…"

"I… no, S-Selphie…" I stuttered, a tear following the trail from my nose to the edge of my lip.

"I'm sick of waking up to an empty bed every time you come to visit… no Irvine…" she cried, her eyes squinted to hide the ocean that was battering against a brick wall. "… No more."

I couldn't remember the moment that she said that entirely, because it was blurred and fuzzy. One moment I was trying to see her eyes through a veil of tears, but the next thing I knew… I was slumped down to my knees, and Selphie was at the door. I was trembling. Badly.

I saw her there, waiting, but waiting for what, I wasn't sure. Selphie had crushed absolutely everything inside of me… my mind, my heart, my courage and strength… Finally, she took one last look at me… oh Hyne, that one last look brought horrifying nightmares for months after she had died… and she said to me…

"I love you."

Then there was nothing in the air but the door clanking shut.

Not ten minutes after that, I heard the gunshot into the night. But… it was so far off to me… I didn't even think to connect it with my dear lost Selphie… Hyne forgive me… I was already packing up my things to leave…

It turns out, my last mission from Balamb Garden wasn't to meet Headmaster Martine after all. I would've rather completed that mission than to carry out with the one I ended up doing. Balamb shouldn't have assigned me to do it… I'm not a fucking funeral director… they knew…

I was never disclosed to any information, and I guess… that's the way I would've wanted it after that spat. I chose to ignore it when someone brought it up. I never went to the trial when they sentenced the killer behind bars. By then, I had already met Denisse… but… Selphie's love was well deserved… so innocent until it came to it…

Denisse could never compare with Selphie.

I brought her body back to Balamb for them, but… then I turned in my SeeD uniform. Seventeen years at Galbadia… Ultimecia… another year to achieve SeeD status… no, I told Headmaster Cid, and Headmaster Martine… I'm finished with SeeD. Martine never showed his true emotion, at least before I never saw him do so… but when I told him I was through, he looked… disappointed. I hope he was disappointed. Headmaster Cid just nodded his head. Good. Neither could understand, but nobody needed the emotion to show that day.

My eyes focused back to the picture in my hands. My blood was dried now on her dress. Without thinking, I took my finger, licked it, and wiped it away… as if Selphie's death meant nothing to me…

It did mean something to me… something so great I gave up eighteen years of my life in honor of her… but… I have a new life now. It's not any better, but I at least I could remember every detail…

I slipped the picture back into the frame and closed the box with my memories. When I had the time, I'd go ahead and stick the box into the empty closet in the bedroom. It was nice to skip breakfast unintentionally and spend some time thinking… recollecting… but now it was time to go to work… to support the family I have now… many years later.

I rose from the cardboard in the hallway and proceeded to find my coat. I discovered it thrown over the side of the couch, and as I was sliding the first arm through, I heard a yawn from across the room.

"Denisse?" I asked.

She yawned again and tightened the strap of her robe. "Did you hear the phone ring Irvine?"

I smiled and slipped my other arm inside. My hair was trapped within my jacket, and I took both hands and fished my ponytail out. "Yeah… about a half hour ago… oh shit!" I was going to be late for work. "Oh fuck, Royd's going to have a cow!"

"Oh?" Denisse replied, rubbing her eyes with the back of her hand. As I was rushing to get out of the door, I flew past her and only touched her hand. She stood, a little surprised and said, "Is that all I get? Not even a good-bye? You were just going to go?"

She was right. "Sorry baby. Here…" I came back, hugged her tightly, and again proceeded out the door… when she said…

"You were going to leave me lying there this morning, weren't you?"

Ohhh Hyne… I almost felt tears coming to my eyes after I heard that. It wasn't my wife though… it was Selphie speaking that time.

Shit.

I guess I didn't move on so quickly after all.

"I did that once…" I said, shutting the door for a third time and approaching her. She didn't draw her lips tight like Selphie did… and Denisse didn't wrinkle her forehead like Selphie did… but her eyes acted the same. Her own aquamarine eyes would stare right through me as wildly as Selphie's had when she was upset… and they were now. I was in debt.

"Yeah… I did that once…" My arms wrapped around Denisse, and I swear, she felt as soft and silky as Selphie did when I held her… so many years ago…

"… And I promised myself, I would never do it again."


	4. Part IV Final Decision

There are many rare occurrences in life. Many of them are spontaneous and divine in every aspect of their nature, while others are provoked and well deserved. I had my share of both, good and bad. I wasn't particularly wise on the subject, but I believe I had experienced enough to get a glimpse of what was in store for me.

And to be quite honest, I wasn't too fond of what I saw…

Well, I suppose I would have seen brighter things two months before, right after I left Balamb Garden, but… other predicaments were thrown my way. I didn't plan on getting my wallet stolen in Fisherman's Horizon and I didn't expect to break my ankle in the middle of the desert on my way to Winhill. I didn't know of half of the adventures I was going to go through when I made my absence.

I guess that's why I was lying there, next to the Orphanage where I spent the first nine years of my life, with a fine mist of salt from the sea, spraying itself gently on my skin. Two months unaccounted for and that is where I ended up. Chilled to the bone, each and every cough inflicting my body with enough pain to make my head spin, outside of the first home I could ever remember having.

A breeze came up from the waves and flushed my face with a dose of salt and water. The cut that was engraved from the edge of my lip and down to the bottom of my chin instantly rejected the mist and began to sting immensely. I hissed, my dirty fingers clawing at the cut as it burned. That one would take weeks to heal itself. I estimated the Mantis had sunk its claw in at least two centimeters. Maybe more.

But Hyne knows what would become of me in several weeks… if only Matron were there to tend to the poor little chicken-wuss that wound up on her doorstep…

I spared a long glance out into the sea as I pulled back the remains of my vest. As the sea stared back at me, unnerving and pretentiously, I gazed at the sky glazed with purple and pink. It couldn't have been night… it must've been morning. No sunset to me is beautiful anymore. They all look the same… I needed to start treasuring the sunrises every now and then. I doubt I'd be seeing many more.

As one hand reached inside, I took a moment to relish in the possibility of cherishing one of life's more treasured occurrences. Well, all of life's rare occurrences should be treasured, but I think some should be reflected upon more than beloved. Maybe that's just me. I differed in opinion like that sometimes.

The picture unfolded to reveal the blemishes years of aging had done to it. Folds and creases made it impossible to see every full detail, but I guess that didn't matter much. In the condition I was in, I doubt I could find every detail and memory anymore. My energy had been wasted on lesser things during the gradual sapping of my life that was the past two months.

On the far left was Selphie. I was almost positive it was her anyway. I don't think I ever saw Quistis or Rinoa wearing yellow. She was smiling brightly, and I didn't have to look closer to be sure of that. I have many fond memories of her always being optimistic and playful. It was a devastation to Balamb to hear of her death. I can remember my reaction, standing there in Headmaster Cid's office, and just slipping a gloved hand over my face to hide the emotion. And it was only four years before… when I was standing in that office receiving my official SeeD rank… when Headmaster Cid came up to up and asked me to try and control my emotions a little… but… I didn't fare so well the day when Selphie died…

Next to her was Irvine. I swear to Hyne… he was the reason why I was crying that day for her… but hell, now I'm not so sure. I heard so many rumors about their relationship, that eventually, I just stopped paying attention. I'm sure I would've been in their business about it anyway… but now he's just a memory… like the rest of the gang. I didn't see him again after he went to Trabia to be with her. I heard the usual from Quistis… he ran off and married another woman… had a son… wasn't an official SeeD anymore… I'm not sure whether Irvine tried to move on with his life or tried to escape the painful memories of his past…

Quistis… I wonder whether or not she was actually smiling in this picture. I couldn't tell. Her long hair came down in front, but a big crease in the picture followed it, covering most of her facial features. She very well may have been smiling. This was before Irvine and Selphie really became a couple. I can remember Quistis being absolutely infuriated with what followed after Selphie's death, like any normal concerned friend would be. I think she had a quicker temper than I did sometimes. At least she found her happiness again when she got her old job back and married a police officer from Deling. They adopted two little girls, happy ending right?

But no… they were her children…

I tried picking my leg up from the mud I was situated in, but my body wasn't really committed in doing it. I dropped the thought.

Oh Squall… Hyne no, not such a happy ending. Not at all… but… damn, how I envied him for being in control of his emotions! No one had to scold him for being too sappy or hyper! I could remember in class, he really didn't do much of anything… he just sat there with his head hung over the class panel… but when Rinoa came, things changed. I envied her a little for being able to bring out what was truly inside of him, but… at least someone managed to. Seifer did too, but Hyne, I'm not going to go on about Seifer. I don't care if he's dead now, tch, so long as he's not being the ass to me that he was years before.

Rinoa died shortly after giving birth to their daughter. She was a loss to all of us… and not just Squall. Certainly he took it the hardest but… when he kept coming in to work with a face that had been ripped away of all emotion, it took a toll to everyone he was associated with. Hyne, Dacera had to be at least ten years old now. That was so long ago…

Finally, there was me on the end. Heh, every day that passes by away from Balamb Garden, I still wish for a nice, toasty hot dog to eat. Man, they were delicious!

It's too bad. I won't be seeing those hot dogs, or Balamb Garden ever again…

I held the picture away from my chest as I coughed into my other hand. It was the worst episode yet. Each time I retched into my hand, it felt as if something was trying to be pulled up with it. My eyes watered it hurt so badly, and when I was able to calm the fit down, I saw specks of blood on my dirt-stained palm. I wiped it across my face, along the cut which had opened back up and was leaking blood onto my tasteless lips.

No no… it wouldn't be much longer now…

I pulled my vest up to shove the picture back inside, but I hesitated, my mind adrift along the sea. Perhaps I should spend my precious time remembering the days before true emotion took over… back inside the Orphanage… where the only trouble we had to worry about was how to hide the fireworks on the beach from Matron. Or no, perhaps I should be thinking of Ma Dincht back in Balamb. Hyne, she had to be worried sick. I last spoke to her about a year ago, when I came to Balamb for another SeeD exam, only that time… I was the instructor giving the orders… and not the candidate receiving them. She was ill when I saw her, but she still had that lively spark in her eyes. She was the perfect mother for me… I pray to Hyne I was the perfect son to her…

She could handle my emotion. She tolerated it. There was only one other person who could tolerate my emotion that well…

Elianta…

But… no… she was the reason why I had to leave! I promised myself I wouldn't be leaving to search for the answers to the questions I had about her… I promised to leave and forget about what we had because… because there was no one else who could understand…And now… even years after her death… I realized there would never be anyone who could identify so well with me…

Where were you now my angel…? Oh Hyne… I'm sorry you had to put up with what you did… I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you in your last moments…

I shook my head to stop my emotions… and was unpleasantly welcomed with a dizzying rush. Lightheadedness drifted over my skull and darkness began to take over my vision, but I held on. After the spell had passed, my mind was able to take in the memories again…

Meeting her… in Esthar… no, why would I think Esthar? It was Trabia…? Yes. Trabia… A SeeD from Trabia, shoveling the snow from the basketball courts. Selphie and I went on official business… can't remember now… why…

She was beautiful, nothing shy and reserved like the girl from the library in Balamb… everything but. Perfect, almost… but horribly tortured…

Elianta was a SeeD all right, she appeared to be the model SeeD at Trabia. When I spoke with Selphie about her later, she even had to agree. It wasn't until later I got to meet her… to actually talk with the woman who would become my angel… and then later… be ripped away from me by the devil himself! If she hadn't killed him, I would've!

Damn her stepfather! Curse him to hell! I sat up harshly in the mud to yell, but my body couldn't comply. A choking sound erupted from my throat, and I could taste the iron rust of blood that flooded within my mouth. I spat, watching the red blend with its family of tints within the sky before it was lost in the sands below.

Oh my sweet Eli… why did it have to turn out that way…? I loved you… so…

My eyes stung again with the threat of salty tears.

She clasped my hand gently when she entered my dormitory. She came to visit me often enough, when she wasn't needed at Trabia… but that time I knew something was horribly wrong.

She came to me in tears… not worrying about controlling her emotions as much as I seemed to. Immediately, I wrapped my arm around her, but she shrugged shyly away from me.

My first reaction was about a recent event that had happened back home. Elianta didn't live in the dormitory at Trabia, because she was privileged enough to live only a few miles away in the middle of the woods. Unfortunately, she had to live with the ugliest of men… her stepfather. I met him once, when I very nearly begged her to take me back to her home and meet her family.

I could understand now why she wasn't too thrilled with the idea…

What a bastard he was! Tch, I hadn't even stepped inside of the house yet when I heard him yell from within, "If that's a man you're bringing, you can tell him to keep out of your pants!" Eventually, she convinced him to supper, where more harassment was laid down in front of her.

Thank Hyne I never saw that bastard after that… he was almost as bad… as…

"Oh Hyne… what's wrong?" I asked.

She squeezed my hand figuratively. Elianta gazed up at me with her soggy, red-streaked eyes. "Zell… something's h-h-happened…"

I tried to embrace her again… but she felt compelled to draw back from my warmth. I let it go, not realizing yet what she was about to tell me.

"Relax… Eli, I'm here for you. You can tell me anything…"

Elianta cried a little harder next to me. She still held on to my hand, but somehow, it felt a little less strengthened to me. She knew what I did… she knew what was going to happen once she said it.

And like me… she wouldn't be able to control her emotions…

"Zell…"

"Please…" I begged. Maybe I shouldn't have, but I did.

A few seconds passed before anything happened. Elianta finally took both of her hands and covered her face as she wailed. Hyne, it hurt me so to see her suffer like she did… but she still refused any comfort I tried to give to her. When she appeared from beneath her hands, all I could understand was…

"Zell, m-m-my stepdad w-wants me… I-I-I… I have to marry another man!"

It wasn't… it wasn't full-blown outrage yet. That came moments later. I could remember my body tensing up and I was glad I was not holding Elianta at that moment. But…

"Eli… what are y – "

"Zell! I can't marry Seifer! I… I don't… I don't want to be known as Mrs. Seifer Almasy!"

The outrage came then. From the both of us. After she managed to say that, though I don't know how she was able to do it, she screamed. Literally. Her suffering inside flew out of her as one giant impulse of a scream. It hurt my ears to hear her sitting next to me and shrieking so loudly, but by that point, I think I was in as much misery as she was.

I stood. With nothing protruding from my lips, I simply stood, walked over to the wall and stared at it with a shaking fist. Behind me, though I couldn't see her then, Elianta had desperately reached for the pillow on my bed and held it in front of her soaked vision. I tried to hold it in for her sake… but this was the woman I could relate to the most… if anything, I shouldn't have tried to hold it back for her…

It made it all the worse in doing so…

"You… you…" My shoulder rose and the shadow upon the wall towered in front of me.

She spared one adverse glance from behind the comfort of a fluff of cotton and cloth and yelped.

"_You son-of-a-bitch_!"

My fist connected with the wall. Perhaps I shouldn't say… connected exactly… it was more of… my fist shattering the wall. Unfortunately for us, I was wearing my knuckle busters above my metal boxing gloves. Pieces of plaster soared back at me as it hit, implanting chunks above my eyebrows and to the sides of my cheeks… I felt my arm blasting through insulation and wood beneath until I saw light at the other end. In my mind, I could still hear Elianta's scream echoing… and echoing…

Damn… so much for my wall…

I was heaving… the want to run off into the bathroom and retch was overwhelming. My arm was inside the wall and was covered all the way up to my shoulder. I remained in that position, left foot forward, right arm meshing with the wall… with my face barely centimeters back from the plaster. A drop of sweat rolled from my forehead on down and slid to the bottom of my nose. The dust passing through the air caught on the sides of my face and left the gritty, dirty feeling on the outside… while I was still trying to cope with the gritty, dirty feeling I had on the inside…

"Zell…"

Pieces of the wall were still falling from the foundation. I heard sand and jagged sections land on the floor, the only movement or sound resonating throughout the room. Slowly, I pulled my arm out, not noticing the blood trickling down, not caring about the mess or the wall I had closely demolished… the only image I thought of in my mind was the one I didn't want to see when I turned around…

Fortunately, she was still there, tears plopping on the pillow she held in front of her nose… but in seconds, her eyes had moved from mine to my arm, back to my eyes and then down to the pillow. I realized she was going to run. No matter how many times I watched her control her emotion, and she had watched me do the same, this was too much for her to handle. Too much for me.

And as I predicted, the pillow was thrown from her grasp and she fled. Elianta dashed out, a bellow erupting from her throat as her feet hit the floor. I felt the urge to go after her, but it came and went. Soon that urge was replaced by the urge to hurt the people who had done this to us…

"Damn you! Damn you Seifer, damn you!"

After that horribly slow day had passed, I didn't see Eli for quite a while. I missed her so… there wasn't a night during that time in which I didn't find myself crying to sleep. The picture of us on my nightstand survived the wall and the fit of tears… and when I returned to my dormitory after my duties, or after a hot dog from the cafeteria… I would always reach over and take it… sliding my finger down the swath of her hair… planting a kiss on her lips… gently holding it close as I remembered…

What drove me to find my angel again was the morning newspaper, and the many returned letters I had sent to her. Four months had passed since I heard anything from her, or of her, and finally… I was able to piece it together. I met Quistis in the cafeteria for a cup of coffee before light had fully settled itself upon Balamb one morning. She brought a newspaper along, and without thinking, casually mentioned a front page article.

"Oh my, a house in Trabia? That continent has always been riddled with snow…"

I swallowed the coffee I had taken in. "Hmmm?"

She flipped the paper over and set it down on the table for me to read. "Here," she pointed with a long, glossy fingernail. "A big house in Trabia was burned to the ground, not far from the Garden."

I took it in my hands, casually, almost as casually as she had mentioned it. It was the morning, and perhaps I didn't think to think of my sweet Eli, but a picture of the house's owner caused every sick desire and countless bouts of rage to come flooding back.

I spat my coffee out of my mouth as it made impact.

"Son-of-a-bitch!"

Quistis grunted an angered response, wiping lukewarm coffee from her blouse.

"No! Eli!" I cried, leaving the newspaper, and a rather confused Quistis alone together.

It took the article and the letters to back it up. I sent many letters to my Eli, and I imagine about half of them came back to me with no return address, no stamped information, nothing. As I became more desperate to hear from her, I wrote them in excess near the end of the four months. I discovered they came back because there was no house, or furthermore… nobody to receive them.

She was tortured… the poor soul… she had burned that wretched place down forever…

I tried to believe that she had burned the house down with her stepfather in it because she was planning on coming back to me. While I made my way to Trabia, that was all my mind could fathom… Eli was coming back to me now… we can finally be something again…

How terribly wrong I was.

When I arrived, the Headmaster informed me that she had left Garden and had transferred her residence elsewhere. He hesitated to tell me where she was, Hyne, I wish he had hesitated more… however, he wrote her address in Deling and left it up to me to find her.

Again, my journey to Deling was interrupted often with the thought of Eli trying to get back together with me after the unofficial break-up.

But once the bus pulled up to the new residence of Elianta… or rather… Elianta Almasy… I began to see things more clearly…

I was greeted with shouting from inside of the house.

I heard Eli first, the higher-pitched woman's voice.

"Do you know how much time it took to hide that?"

Then, a man's voice. I had to hold it in as I listened further… squeezing my fists shut as the shouting commenced…

"Quiet! Everyone will hear!"

"You would like them to hear, wouldn't you? Announce it to the world, Seifer!"

I had walked from the bus at the wrong time. I tried picking out their shadows from behind closed curtains, but I couldn't find Elianta. If she had not left the window open, or whoever had left it open for me… I would've been humiliated even more… but it was enough for my ears.

"Eli! Eli, just shut it!"

But… no… Eli, that was the name I always called her…

"That's right, I killed him!"

"You need to fucki – "

I cringed as she screeched from inside. I saw a light turn on in the neighbor's kitchen, but the old woman was only attending to the dishes in her sink. Was this another everyday occurrence for the old woman? Had they always shouted at each other?

"You keep _your_ mouth shut! I'm glad I got rid of the old man!"

"Eli!"

Eli… my angel… I was the only one…

"Eli, can it!"

Tears welled up in my eyes, but I wiped them away with a hand that wasn't covered with shame. Inside the home, if I could really call it one, the match continued, but it was one man's fight now. I imagine my Elianta was in tears by then…

"Eli, shut your face!"

Hyne… not my Eli…

"Stop this _now_, Eli!"

Yes, yes Eli… my sweet angel, I'll come! I'll come and stop this for you! I stormed to the front door, first across soft grass with two steps withering away into the ground, and three giant steps pounding on the concrete with a tramp, tramping sound that bounced off of the walls surrounding the porch. With my fist, I blasted the door in front of me, clearing my way to make room for my Eli…

… Just in time to watch Seifer swing his arm back and strike his hand across her flawless, unspoiled face.

Eli fell.

Her sobs had been silenced, but not calmed. She lay there, mere inches from my feet… quivering… shaking as violently as she had been struck. My fist was pulsing, not from the blow, not from my racing heart… but from the grin Seifer had sprayed across his baseless complexion. He stood as he had always stood… confident and unchallenged… damn him. Hyne… how he made my blood just boil…

I tried to analyze the situation before making any moves.

"Eli…" I whispered.

"You keep your filthy hands off of her!" Seifer said, opposed. He took one pace forward at me, like he did in Dollet that day… dammit! I… I wasn't a chicken-wuss… I just wasn't!

But I had to control my emotions…

"Tch," I sputtered, lowering my hand, turning my head to the door on the floor even as Elianta whimpered beneath us. "I wasn't the one who slapped her."

"Get out of here, chicken-wuss, I'm busy!" He took the hand he had walloped Eli with and whisked it to the side.

Chicken-wuss… ohhh that chicken-wuss nearly did me in. But, I still tried to pose as the gentleman… I couldn't give in to emotion just yet…

I knelt down to her on the floor, taking in the entire width of her shoulders. Elianta… didn't refuse my touch, it was Seifer who did… but she seemed sullen and submerged with weight. I wanted to see her face again and not the folds of hair that touched me, but I was forced out of her way with the very edge of Seifer's boot.

My breath escaped me, as did Seifer. I rolled, hands clutching my gut, back into the slabs of the front door on the hallway floor. He towered above me, a shadow lingering upon my face like the scar he so boastfully held upon his.

"Beat it, chicken-wuss."

"No…"

I allowed the pain in my midsection to numb itself, as I watched Elianta bring herself to her feet. I did not believe she would rise so tall above him, with such steady and accurate being, but she did before me. It was sorrowful sight. I'm not positive as to what assured me of my suspicions. Perhaps it was the light, or the way she concealed her slender hands over her body. Her left ring finger glittered at me with the richness of the situation.

Eli was pregnant.

She was with child! Oh Hyne, she could've been severely damaged! Did Seifer not analyze his actions? Well no, he was never one to think of what was about to become of him. He never thought about the acts he committed or the words that came from between his lips… but… why Seifer would treat his own wife like that was beyond my comprehension…

And beyond my emotion.

It had to have been rape. A monster. A vampire, sucking the blood from its victim, understanding its own survival and its own will… nothing more. What a romantic knight he had become! I thought a knight was to fight the evil that threatened his damsel in distress… but not… not fight the damsel… to force her through such distress…

"El…" I began.

"Silence."

I was kicked again and thrust back to the floor, but it was not enough to save him that time. After my shoulders made impact behind me, I lifted my legs and used my abdominal muscles to thrust myself upward. He saw me trying to reach him, and used his arm to block my right fist launching itself at his ugly face, but he wasn't fast enough to see my left fist sighting the same target. Knuckle and cartilage collided, and I felt the tissue tear apart under my hand. Blood burst from his lips.

"Zell, no!" Elianta pleaded.

For Hyne's sake, they were married! She had a child developing in the womb! Just the thought of this fallen knight beating his own damsel before me encouraged my right leg to slam into his gut. He flew backward, falling onto the floor with both hands seizing his stomach.

"Zell!"

I wasn't finished. Not after seeing what crime he had committed.

"You son-of-a-bitch!"

With a loud roar, I folded into my body and prepared to come out of a flip and land my left leg on top of his head. Spinning through the air felt like slow motion to me, like in the movies… they'd slow it down enough to show the audience how the action was being recounted. I heard an angel's voice call out, and I saw a bright light… a loud bang…

I saw the wave of blood coming at me after the light hit my eyes. I switched directions. I tumbled backwards and into the wall. The sting wildly ripped up my leg. Wincing, I grabbed it, feeling the slimy blood trickle through my fingers.

Elianta rushed forward, and I saw Seifer behind her, heaving, brandishing his gunblade with fearless abandon, yet still holding his midsection in pain. I got him good, but as always… he got the better of me…

"Zell," she said, trying to help me up from the floor. "You need to leave now."

"Elianta, no I – gaaah!"

Oh yes, my body felt it now. Seifer had shot me. I stuck a hand out in case I fell, but Elianta… took it…

Took it… for the last time…

"No, listen to me! You need to go."

"I can't Eli," I moaned, hopping on my right foot to maintain balance. How silly I must've looked…

"Hyne, Zell…"

She was crying again, after the shock of the attack. Seifer himself was having difficulty rising from the floor. My foot must've made contact near the kidney. He had to support himself against the wall.

I wouldn't be this weak in front of him. Not again… not ever again… not this forgotten chicken-wuss…

I made myself plant my left foot on the floor. Instantly the excruciating pain rippled upward and I yelped, but I was not weak. I would not let my emotion take control again… but how many times had I told myself that…?

"Zell, it's time to leave."

I realized it was. I simply didn't want to accept it. I knew she still loved me… but she had grown accustomed to him. It was too late now. I knew Elianta, I knew her more than Seifer would ever be able to comprehend. She had to stay. She had to stay because they were already married, they were already expecting a family. It was her duty now to remain.

I gazed at her, long and enduring. She was somehow the Elianta I had remembered. Beautiful, wavering… adapting yet always questioning… she could've avoided her fate… she could have avoided it sooner…

But, it was too late now.

She didn't burn him quick enough.

I dragged my leg along, glaring Seifer down with all of the emotion I had left in me. She ran to his arms for warmth, and sobbed into his shoulder. One slithery arm wrapped itself around her and the other raised itself to me, the holder of so many battles and wounds…

"I hope you enjoy your romantic fantasy…" I mumbled.

He grunted and creased his finger against the trigger of his gunblade. While holding his damsel in distress, he finally was the one trying to ward off all evil with her in his arms. He took a shot, and I felt the bullet ride its path inches away from my eye as I dashed across their lawn in the best manner I could…

But he missed.

And… well… he would miss the rest of what his miserable life had to offer him in the end. They died just over two years later… it was Quistis who informed me. She brought me the paper two days after it had happened.

How dare they say I never knew love… she saw me that day… sinking to the floor… having the unsurpassable feeling of blacking out… did anyone see what pain, what devastation that had caused me…?

Squall, the man who had lost his love for the creation of unconditional being… did he not understand? Had Rinoa's death sent him to the Squall I knew before she began? Unlike Squall, who felt compelled to take time away from work, I was called to duty the very next day. I was… not important enough to be given time to gather my emotions… I was forced to control them.

Quistis, oh Hyne Quistis, she brought me the damn paper! She had always known, whether publicly or privately, that I had an ongoing relationship with the woman of my dreams… my Eli… oh Hyne… she knew… wasn't that enough to relate? No sympathy? No sympathy for the man without a grip upon himself?

Irvine and Selphie were the most prominent couple, griping or not. When Selphie had died… I wonder… I wonder if Irvine was mature enough then to comprehend… what power death truly wields…

A startling lurch came up from the bottom of my throat, and once again I was in a terrible fit. Blood flew freely from between my lips now as I coughed, barking like a dog in a fetal, oddly thrown position. I didn't bother to waste the energy of moving my hands to soothe it. I opened my eyes to the salt of the sea, and I tried to convince myself that I could not see the sticky beads of fever attaching itself to the edges of my eyes. Lightheadedness was taking over, and the light at the end of the tunnel was slowly fading…

Why? Why must we experience death? If we must see it while living, we're only going to question it before the end. It is an average reaction of all humans, most commonly in children.

However, I am not a child. I'm a grown man of thirty years. It is not wrong to question death at my age, because I have seen a great deal of it. Why must my colleagues feel the need to question death amongst themselves? Could absolutely nothing be discussed with me? Squall lost the love of his life, the only one in his life he allowed to have, and yet when Eli had died… he did not approach me. Nor Quistis, nor Irvine.

Had everyone forgotten the battles? The torment? We were so close to losing everything… is it merely a game to them now? Or perhaps my life is the only game to them now… because they feel I have gotten to know nothing in my affairs… I don't have a steady job, a mortgage on a home, a wife to go home to, a family to care for… I had Eli, the start to everything else I could've had… but it was game over from then on. To my comrades, my ticket to a normal life had been taken from me and shredded in half. My hopes and dreams, all placed within one mansion of faith, had burned to the ground. Two options pop up in my head as they do on the computer screen.

Continue?

Or game over.

No, I think not. No matter how many times I try to convince myself of all of the reliance and belief installed within me by the people I fought beside years ago, no matter how many times I must curse upon a man's evil ways, no matter how many times I must find another reason to keep moving besides the one Elianta I found… it will never be enough to satisfy my famished mind.

I've played this game… long enough…


End file.
